Nurturing Your Brothers’ Manhood

This post is especially for you sisters out there!  Why is Nurturing Our Brothers’ Manhood important?  Our brothers need us to stand up and stop treating them as less than the men that they are becoming.  They NEED us to nurture their manhood.

Let me tell you gals, if we aren’t nurturing our brothers’ manhood, we ARE squelching it.  There is no neutral ground.  We either build up their manhood or we tear it down.  We may look back someday and wish our brothers were real men, that they had backbone, were decisive, etc.  Guess what?  Maybe if they are weak, spineless men, it is in part because they are so used to big sisters who always tell them what to do, correcting their grammar and posture and driving and body noises and messy habits.

I will be honest here- I fail sometimes, but I am learning, and I am trying, oh I am TRYING, to nurture my brothers’ manhood.  There is so much at stake and I don’t want to mess it up.

Just today, one of my sweet brothers was my chauffeur.  At one point, he had just stopped the vehicle at a stop sign, and was turning onto the main highway and accelerating.  Only, he wasn’t just accelerating.  He was MASHING THE GAS PEDAL!!!  A lecture was on the tip of my tongue.  “Um, brother dear, did you realize it is extremely hard on the engine to accelerate that fast?  You should speed up slowly instead of mashing it!”.  Thankfully, I bit my tongue and refrained from the lecture.  He doesn’t need me to tell him how to drive. He needs me to NOT tell him how to drive.  If I would have told him what he was doing wrong, I would have been crushing his manhood and stepping into the position of teacher and leader.  

What I am not saying is that we can never give our brothers advice or tell them the truth (in love) about something they are doing wrong.  There will be times when we, as their sister and friend, give them some helpful criticism or advice.  My brothers and I do that for one another often.  The point isn’t that every word we say to them is only about how awesome they are, because that isn’t being a true friend.  They need to hear the hard things from us, too, but it needs to be done in love, and outnumbered by words of kindness and encouragement.  When we have that sweet relationship already, our words of correction can be said kindly, and in a way that is not demeaning.

My challenge to you is this: would your brothers be able to wholeheartedly say that you are their biggest fan, a huge encouragement in their life, and a beloved chum?

Another thing, girls: be a lady, and your brothers are more likely to behave like gentlemen.  Speak softly, ask their opinion, let them drive the car, talk well of them.  Trust me, they will begin to live up to your expectations and treatment of them.  The opposite is true- if you nag + criticize, they may either become spineless puppets, or they will decide that they don’t need you and stop listening to you altogether.  If you expect them to be selfish, messy cavemen, they just might be.  Pray, speak a little less at times (if you’re like me:), and decide that you will draw out the best in them and be their biggest cheerleader.

I love you girls, and I’m right with you, biting my tongue, trying to choose love, and desperately wanting to be a good sister!  Know that I’m cheering you on!!!  I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions.

xoxo,

Allison

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52 Comments

  1. Thank you Allison for this post. Such a good reminder! I have 2 older brothers. (31 + 22) I am really close to the younger one, because we grew up together and I have especially tried to cultivate a good relationship with him. My oldest brother I don’t know so well. He has been in the Navy for 10 years and left when I was 6. He also lives in another state. How would you suggest that I not only get to know him better, but encourage him and build him up as a man?

  2. Allison what you said is so true! I am learning to NOT say those things and have seen how the men in my life soar upward to manhood and chivalry! Thank you for speaking into our lives. Love you!

  3. Allison, for such a young lady, you have great wisdom from, above:
    “17) But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. 18) And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. James 3:17-18

    You have followed the command of Paul to Timothy, for in your youth you have shine as an example of the believer in word, conversation, charity, spirit, faith, and purity; I Timothy 4:12. Having obey the command while teaching others also that with our mouth we all should have good communication, useful to edifying so that our words might minister grace to the hearer, Ephesians 4:29. Real sure your brothers and also even your sisters and parents, enjoy your words of edification.

    From an older brother in Christ, that really loves to hit the gas pedal as the light turns green. I can honestly say I never thought about it till I read your blog, hopefully God will help slow me down a little.

    AWESOME 1st blog.

  4. So true, Allison! With six younger brothers, this is definitely applicable to me. I think that I’m learning in the area of knowing what NOT to say, but what to say is a lot harder! 🙂 But I have noticed that not “over-rebuking” gives extra weight to my words when I really do rebuke.

    Thank you for being such a wonderful example of a big sister to lots of brothers! You are an encouragement to me.

  5. U should a post on ur fitness and eating sometime I would love that plz an thanks hugs lov u an God bless u😍😘🤗😃

  6. Thanks Allison! That was such good advice, you made me realize I need to work on that… especially when it comes to criticizing little brothers, I didn’t even notice I was doing it until I read your post. Thanks for taking the time to share your sisterly advice, you don’t know how nice it is to learn from an older girl 😉

  7. Thank you so much for this post, Allison! The subject of encouraging and respecting my two younger brothers has been on my heart and mind a lot lately, so your post was very timely. 🙂 Sometimes it can be really hard when brothers do crazy things, but I know that how I treat them now will shape who they become! Thank you for the encouragement to be their biggest cheerleader and encourager! I’m so excited you started this blog and I’m really looking forward to your future posts!

    Blessing to you as you serve Jesus,
    Sarah F.

  8. Wow Allison! I have been thinking about this lately. Even though my brothers are only 4 it can still start now! It can also still apply to big brothers even.(Randy is 32)Thank you for your biblical words of wisdom!! It is always helpful to get your wise words of wisdom!
    Cheerfully in Christ,
    Mackenzie

  9. Good stuff, Alli! Thanks for the reminder to build those MEN up!!! As my sweet sis already commented:), all my brothers are 11 and younger but there are so many ways that I can build them up. I need to be more intentional with that, so thanks!! 🙂

  10. This post definitely applies to me…I have 5 brothers. =D

    I feel like I do too much for my younger brothers and don’t let them figure out some things themselves. They are getting too used to having a sis do it for them.

    Thank you for this encouraging post!!!

    – Lilly Shyree (alillyingodsgarden.blogspot.com)

  11. Such a good reminder! Being the oldest, it is definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for the encouragement and I am realllly looking forward to ALL future posts 🙂

  12. Thanks for the wonderful encouragement Allison! This is definitely something that I can struggle with and I so appreciated this post! I have 7 handsome brothers and 3 beautiful sistas between the ages of 22-2 with five of the brother thirteen and older and me in right in the middle of them! It can be so challenging to bite my tongue, and encourage instead of criticize, but it’s so well worth it! Praying and encouraging is way better then “preaching” and nagging!
    Have a wonderful day!
    Hannah

  13. Allison, I just love this so much! It is just SO true + I especially can relate how acting like a lady inspires gentlemanly conduct in the brothers. It really does + it blesses my heart so much to see them. Thanks for these timely reminders. Having 6 brothers, all younger than me, I love your tips about younger brothers as well. Definitely encouraging them is a HUGE, plus giving over + allowing them to serve in some areas {in my case, it’s the lawnmowers/tractors not the car yet:)} where I might want to is so good. And yes, pray pray pray for those brothers! You are such a wonderful example Allison, + I so look up to the way you always are creatively blessing your brothers. Love you!

  14. Loved reading your thoughts, especially your advice about sandwiching comments! Do you think these same principles apply when dealing with your sisters? (In other words, could you read this post and insert “sister” and “womanhood” everywhere you’ve written “brother” and “manhood”?)

    1. Thanks so much, Mrs. Adams!
      YES!!! I think the “sandwhich principle” applies with sisters, too, and even in employee relationships. And most definitely we can do much to cultivate sisters’ womanhood, too.

  15. Dear Allison,

    Nagging is one thing, but isn’t it a little skewed to say that our brothers need us to NOT tell them how to drive… There is a difference between criticism and giving kind advice. Genders should not be a defining role when we spend time teaching and learning from our loved ones.

    I used to have the same perspective that you do, but over time, I have realized that it is not particularly biblical nor realistic. My brothers have not become spineless puppets or stopped listening to me altogether. We have become good friends, sharpening each other’s minds and skills and talents together. The fact that they are male has not impeded my own growth as a woman and the way I have contributed as a sister in their lives. God did not intend for us to take a backseat, but to be industrious, creative participants in our family life.

    Hope this does not come across as being aggressive or argumentative. I just felt a different viewpoint shouldn’t go without being said.

    That said, I enjoy your blog. Have a great day 🙂

    Best wishes xx

    1. Hi Viola,

      Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I have edited the post to add the two paragraphs below. I could not agree more with you on the fact that it is a BALANCE and there are most certainly times when we point out blindspots in their lives, give sisterly advice, and encourage them to be better! My brothers and I give each other LOTS of advice, have stimulating disagreements at times, and most definitely are have a very open relationship where we are free to speak the truth with each other even when it hurts.
      Again, thanks for the input!
      -Allison

      “What I am not saying is that we can never give our brothers advice or tell them the truth (in love) about something they are doing wrong. There will be times when we, as their sister and friend, give them some helpful criticism or advice. My brothers and I do that for one another often. The point isn’t that every word we say to them is only about how awesome they are, because that isn’t being a true friend. They need to hear the hard things from us, too, but it needs to be done in love, and outnumbered by words of kindness and encouragement. When we have that sweet relationship already, our words of correction can be said kindly, and in a way that is not demeaning.

      My challenge to you is this: would your brothers be able to wholeheartedly say that you are their biggest fan, a huge encouragement in their life, and a beloved chum?”

  16. Hey Allison! Am I allowed to visit your blog or is this only for girls? I have heard so much about you and I saw you singing and playing the violin! I love your family’s music! I’m playing violin too but I’m still not that good as your are. Now I’m trying to learn the song Arkansas traveler/All hail the power, but seems like it will not work.

    1. Hi Henry!
      Of course I am glad to have you visit! I don’t mind at all having guys follow along here, and I may even do a guest post from one of my brothers sometime!
      Have fun with the violin….it is my favorite instrument, and such a joy to play.:)
      -Allison

  17. Thank you Alison for that post. It was very encouraging to me. I have one question. Is there an ideal age to start applying this, or any age is appropriate? I have a 18 year old brother who I will definitely apply it to, but I also have a 10year old dominant, self-centered little brother. Would it work for him to, or will he become more dominant? Thanks again so much!
    Abigail

    1. Hi Abigail,

      That is a great question! The idea of nurturing your brothers’ manhood applies at every age, but obviously the application is different. One thing that a friend shared with me recently in regards to younger brothers: If you need to give reproof, or tell them something they are doing that is wrong (which with a 10 year old brother, can seem to happen frequently), “sandwich” it in between two encouraging comments, like something you appreciate about them. Also, tone of voice in confrontation is huge! So yes, you don’t just have to let your little brother have the rule of the roost! Try to find ways to involve him in serving others, so that he can learn that real leaders serve and think of others more than themselves.
      Most of all, pray for the Lord to give you wisdom, and He will! Your heart to help your little brother is so sweet!
      blessings,
      Allison

      1. Very well said. I have found that same principle to be the best way for my relationship with my younger brothers as well. Thanks for the post Allison!!

  18. This post was SO good. Thank you, Allison! As the oldest sister in my family, it can be extremely hard sometimes not to nag and correct my brothers constantly. Thank you for this reminder!
    I’m loving your blog already! 🙂

    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Brenley! I’m glad the post struck a chord with you! I am definitely a work in progress in this area, too!!

  19. This is so good, Allison!! Thank you! 🙂
    (And btw, congratulations on Carson and Carolina!!! SO happy and excited for them!!)

  20. Love this post and how use wording like weak or spineless puppets my brother is a weak spineless puppet I wish I could help I wish he would go to church it is really frustrating and he has poor decision making but thankfully he has one good Christian friend named brad he’s nice and I pray that he will help him he believes God but has followed his rules or go to church like he should can u help me???????? love ash 🤗 An ❤️ u an God bless u

    1. Ashley,
      I would recommend first and foremost praying for him. Ultimately, you cannot change him- only God can. As you pray for him, look for every opportunity to encourage, praise, and love him.

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