The Single Life: Are you Thriving or Barely Surviving Your Single Season?

I have had countless conversations of late on the topic of singleness. Many have asked me if it’s hard to have so many siblings, younger and older, getting married, to which I am so grateful I can joyfully and 100% truthfully reply, “not at all”. Some conversations have been with girls who are struggling with their singleness, especially as they see so many friends getting married and wonder if God has someone out there for them. Other conversations I’ve had have been discussions with others on the goodness of God and His purpose for singleness.

All in all…..I have spent some time pondering this question: What mindset makes one see the season of singleness as something to be embraced instead of endured?

And this is what keeps coming to my heart as absolutely vital for living one’s single years with passion + purpose:

You must realize that singleness is a GIFT, and marriage is a GIFT.

They are just different gifts given to different people at different times.  When someone gives you a gift, you don’t look at a gift given to another and say to the giver, “I would much rather have that gift!”  No, you wouldn’t think of it.  You gratefully receive that which you’ve been given and seek to make the most use of it, to enjoy it to the fullest. You may be given a different gift tomorrow, which you will enjoy in a totally different way!

So it is with singleness.  Why should we, who have been given singleness, look to those being given marriage, and covet? This season of singleness may be over at any time, and none of us want to look back with regret on wasted years.

I am determined, as long as I may be single, to live this life- this gift- I’ve been given to the very fullest. To spend my days for others, to allow my needs to be filled by my Lord and then to pour myself out for His service.

Learn to be satisfied in Christ alone now.  If you do not love your life single, chances are you won’t love it married. 

Whereas you think that now not having a spouse is your great lack, after marriage there will be something else- trouble having kids, not enough money, challenging parenting years, your spouse not meeting your needs, and the list goes on. 

Marriage is not the solution to a discontent, ungrateful heart. 

Only in complete fulfillment in Christ and total dedication to His best for your life will singleness OR marriage fulfill the purpose He intended.

Ever wonder what to do with these single years?  Well the single (get the pun?:) worst thing you could do is sit around with not enough to do and dream for hours about getting married and having a family.  The battle starts in your mind.

My advice is to get busy serving others.  I have a post coming soon with ideas on things to do while you’re single, but the long and short of it is this: Start Living the Adventure!

Realize that your single years are a unique and special opportunity to go new places, try new things, serve people extravagantly, push yourself outside of your comfort zone, and nurture an intimate relationship with Christ.

What about when siblings and friends start getting married?  Many of your have been asking me this question recently.  You look around at those getting married younger, and wonder if it’s fair. Remember- you have a gift, they have a gift.  Part of your gift is being able to celebrate with them, help with their weddings, serve them when they have their hands full of little kiddos. You could strain the friendship or put a damper on their joy by being jealous. Be happy for them! Thank God for another marriage that glorifies Him, and pray for Him to send the right spouse for more of your friends and siblings!

Don’t sit around wondering why it’s them and not you.

Learn from their relationships and marriages.  Seek to invest in their lives as they enter this new season. Start thanking God for what He has given you today.

Another thing to remember- your friends that are getting married before you?  Well, they have challenges in life, too!  Every relationship takes TONS of time and hard work.  You are probably thinking, “I’d give anything to put hours + effort into a relationship about now!”  Maybe you would, but that isn’t the gift God has given you today. Don’t wait till you’re married to realize how valuable + precious your single years are. Start falling in love with Jesus and living this adventure with Him TODAY!

Embrace your today and trust God for your tomorrow.

He has used single people in the past in mighty ways, and He’d love to do the same with you.  Yield yourself to Him and ask Him exactly what He wants you to be doing with whatever remaining time He has for you to be single. And then get out and do it!

And that, my friends, is our purpose as “single” young men and women. To love the Lord with all our hearts and lived fully poured out, surrendered lives for Him.

Blessings to all you single friends reading this! May your know Christ in a deeper, sweeter way as you embrace this season He has you in!

Join in the conversation by commenting at the top of this post!  I’d love to hear your thoughts- if married, what are things you regret or are grateful you did during your single years? If single, what are you doing to intentionally use this season to the fullest?

-Allison

disclaimer: Marriage is a beautiful, holy thing, and we should celebrate it to the fullest! God created marriage to be a picture of His relationship with His bride, the Church, and the marriage relationship is very near and dear to His heart. We should pray for good marriages. We should prepare for an excellent marriage ourselves and pray for our future spouse. My purpose in this post is to encourage young people to embrace the season of singleness, for it is an exciting, unique, and sometimes very short season in life.

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ps. Go here to read my sister Chelsy’s post, “When Your Younger Siblings Get Married First: An Older Sister’s Perspective”. Chels has a sweet perspective on what it looks like as an older sibling (or friend) to watch the younger ones “go first” in getting married. Her heart for this is so beautiful, and she truly does celebrate every single younger sibling and friend that gets married before her!

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10 Comments

  1. Love your heart, sista. Seeing your incredible perspective + joy during this season of our family’s life the past nine months has been nothing short of beautiful. Love you so much!

  2. So thankful for these posts and your/Chels’s examples of using your single years to the fullest!! 🙂

  3. Thank you for this post Allison. I found it very encouraging and a great reminder.
    I am currently single and I am constantly reminding myself to appreciate this time while I am single.
    I can use this time for serving in ministry at my church and gaining valuable skills that are useful if and when God sends a Godly man to marry.
    I look forward to seeing a post about how to spend our single years from you.

  4. Yes, sister!!! What a timely and well-written post. Thank-you for sharing TRUTH! “If you do not love your life single, chances are you won’t love it married”- agreed 100%. Reminds me of my favorite Jim Elliot quote: Wherever you are, be all there…

  5. Wow this is so beautifully put!! This is exactly what I told my cousin last year when she had a very difficult break up, and it really changes your attitude when you view singleness as a gift. All things given by our Heavenly Father are good (James 1:17) And He being our father will never give us a stone. I find that when you see singleness not as a “waiting period” but start using this gift, it is greatly enjoyed and much more can be done to the glory of God.
    I am so enjoying your posts, they are very encouraging 🙂

  6. Yes, so true! I’ve heard so many people talk about how they wished they’d used their single years. It seems that Satan really attacks the single/teenage years because he realizes how much good young single people can really do.
    Thanks for sharing!

    1. I had never thought of it that way until just now, about spiritual attacks on young single people. Good thoughts and an excellent reminder to stand strong and resist the devil, and he will flee from you!

  7. Amen, Amen and AMEN!!! Such an encouraging post; thank you! I’m looking forward to your post about ideas on what to do with our single years. 🙂

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